Friday, January 6, 2012

My Two Lives

I live a life split into two.
People in the life of mine that I refer to as “real life” filled with physical, observable objects, people and various features refer to me as Sinead. that is the name that I carry around with me, my face being placed with it.
My second life, while not featuring people that I can physically interact with, I can still form relationships with them. I have befriended many people on the internet. I could actually speculate on the fact that I have found a much wider range of people to befriend on the internet and I have made many more friendships online than IRL.
I have a select group of people to whom I refer as my friends. Even these relationships take much time to formulate to a degree at which I can refer to them as friends.
I find it difficult to trust the people I am placed with in life as a result of the personalities I interacted with in earlier years.
I guess the same applies to all aspects of my life. I have a fear of betrayal, I guess.
I don’t see myself ever wholly explaining and expressing myself to any one entity.
Maybe this makes me a loner, a freak, whatever stereotypical label that society decides to give me. I just keep to myself.
While my life is split into two, many features of my personality overflow between the two, as said by my trust issues.
That said, I also express many parts of myself on the internet that I don’t really show to the physical world.

I have friends at school. I think that I have a rather awesome friend group.
Comparing to the people that featured in my life previously, they are perfect.
Sure, people have flaws. As do I. Perhaps they are similar to me in that they also have difficulty expressing themselves to the world.
On the topic of flaws, I was just distracted by the charlieissocoollike video I’m watching and I have lost my concentration. That slice of my train of thought is lost.
Sorry ‘bout that.

Anyway, Internet people.
As a member of the internet, my brain is full of memes, inside jokes and general understanding of what goes on. My friends, however, are not really in on the joke.
This makes it difficult for me, someone who finds the most obscure references from anything, to be completely comfortable in conversation.
I will often reference memes and people will look at me oddly, leaving me trying to make a dire effort to explain the meme, adding more effort than there would be to just say “never mind” and carry on.
I am, however, someone who enjoys sharing my life with them and this has resulted in them also seeing the videos of certain people of the YouTube land, such as Charlie McDonnell and all the rest that I’m too lazy to list now because I’ll be here all night.
Nimisha, classified as my current best friend, is probably the most understanding of the YouTube community. She is a Nerdfighter and she has a YouTube account. She still has a long way to go before being as Internet knowing as I am.
I doubt that any of my friends would ever truly understand all the inside jokes that there are. So sad.
That is where my Nerdfighter friends come into play.
Mareike, a German Nerdfighter, is a friend of mine that I met over the ning. We have now formed a pretty good friendship over Skype, Facebook, YouTube and Tumblr.
She is in the same position as I am in terms of Internet understanding.
We can relate on a certain level and I enjoy talking to her because I am given a certain freedom in conversation, not having to explain all the inside jokes. She naturally notices them in the way that I do.
We also enjoy many of the same YouTubers and we can fangirl together.
I fangirl for Charlie and she fangirls for David Tennent. It’s a perfect friendship. ^_^

I have now rambled way too much.
I’ll shut up now.

What a long outro I have.
I really don’t blame you if you didn’t read that. I’m probably not even going to read it all.

This was written 2 days ago from publishing date.. so yeah.

No comments: